date night isn't always...

Date night isn't always for candlelit dinners. Date night isn't always for swoony, knowing glances across the table. Date night isn't always for dimly lit, trendy restaurants and your cutest new outfit.

Sometimes, date night is to get away just for a minute. Sometimes, date night means getting to those hard topics that the average day doesn't have time for. Sometimes, date nights will have a few more tears than smiles or kisses. And sometimes, date nights will start out with arguements.

I love Tom with my whole heart, but last night, our date night meant talking through how we could get through another day without every talk turning into a disagreement (even though, in our hearts, we know that we are honored to spend forever together and we love each other deeply and dearly.) Date night started out with hearing that our table wouldn't be ready for over an hour, but that if we wanted to drive around, they would call us when it was available. So, we took that as an excellent way to make time for seeing Christmas in the Park and drive around seeing all the festive houses in town.

But shortly into our drive, I told Tom something that was weighing on me. Weighing on me like an elephant on my left lung. BRUTAL. And it had to do with something I was asking him to work on. ROUGH. It took about two seconds for us to be fuming and defensive. It took about three seconds for me to feel like he was a million miles away. And it took about four seconds before I was ready to just go home and go to bed.

Marriage isn't always what you dreamed about as a little girl. Sometimes, marriage is like our date last night. You start with high expectations, get hurt and let down, learn a bit about yourself and a ton about your spouse, then find a balance where you can love each other despite a hurt heart, and sometimes it will even mean letting go of a hurt or opinion that God almost has to pry out of your little fingers.

I can happily report that we ended our evening sitting on the same side of the table (which was only awkward for everyone around us, but was so snuggly and sweet for us), smiling swoony smiles, kissing a ton, and sincerely apologizing to each other for a small list of wrong-doings.

real life hannah banana

INSPIRATION FOR THIS POST

So, I would call this a 'faq' post, but no one is asking questions yet! Haha...so I will just call this a list of random facts about me and my life!

photo taken by mama near Holden Village, WA

I have been married to the love of my life for nine months today.
We have two lovely children.
Our oldest, Hunter, is my step son.
Our yougest, Adalia, is not biologically my husband's daughter.
Jesus loves me, despite my past...but more importantly, because of my past.
I am a bible-believing, non-denominational Jesus follower!
I play the cello and sing.
My favorite things to do: (besides spend time with my family) hike, sing, canoe, blog, camp, go to farmers markets, learn to cook, and take pictures!
I am twenty-two, almost twenty-three.
56 has always been my favorite number...for no reason that I am aware of.
Green is HANDS DOWN my favorite color!
I am technologically illiterate.
I have completed three semesters of school for Natural Resources.
I took a few years off of school to join the Air National Guard, and also ended up getting married and starting a family!
My husband and I would love to buy a farm, raise some animals, and live as sustainably as we can manage. (shoot me an email if you want to know more about this!)
My husband is starting a new job as a personal trainer with a Lvl 1 Crossfit Certification.
Phineas and Ferb is my favorite cartoon!
We are excited to expand our family, and I am starting some ovulation testing next week!
I blog. (hahahahaha)
I love great music...a few of my favorites are: Sara Bareilles, Adele, The Band Perry, Chris August, Goot, Eels, Eric Hutchinson, Colbie Callait, Jose Gonzalez, Peter Bradley Adams, Missy Higgins, Shawn Mcdonald, and Paolo Nutini.
My parents are my heros. See why here.

If you are curious about anything else, feel free to leave a comment or shoot me an email!

to kill a woodpecker

Everyone should be kissed, often and well, by someone who loves them.

Everyone should be kissed the way my husband kissed me at the end of the day yesterday. After some daytime drama, a few disagreements, and a major baby breakdown, Tom kissed me like it was our first kiss. He kissed me in such a sweet, gentle way the I felt all his love for me in that one moment.

And that is just one of the million reasons that I love my man.



AND, more happy-ness! Things are coming together beautifully for Tom's new job that starts next month! It is such a weight off our shoulders to have some of the unknowns figured out! Woo!

ugliness.

Darn hurt feelings.

Today, I got my feelings hurt and took it way too far.

Tom said something to me that I took offense to. And I should have checked his character against my feelings; I should have KNOWN that my Tom would never try to say something to hurt me. I should have taken what I know about him, and held it up next to how I was feeling and said "Hey, this doesn't match up. I must be overreacting."

Instead, I got super defensive. Then I took all that nasty hurt and threw it back at him, feeling like I deserved a HUGE apology.

And he apologized. And was defeated.

And as I watched him explain and apologize, my heart broke. It softened. God said, "Look at what your pride and entitlement got you. Now YOU are in the wrong. Now you have to apologize. And that means you have to let go the thought that you deserve to be babied and pitied."

I was so thankful for my forgiving husband, but also for God meeting me there right in that moment and opening my eyes and my heart to the reality of the situation. I was wrong, DEAD wrong.

Isn't pride so hideous?

sometimes you just have to drop it...

Arguements are brutal. They make me want to hide away somewhere. And my pride steps in and picks my words for me, and usually sets the tone for my attitude.

And sometimes, I KNOW I'm right. I feel strongly about proving a point. I think that it is what is best for our family.

And still...sometimes, I have to drop it.

I have to set aside my arguement, my side of the story. I have to not only drop that subject, but avoid bringing up a hundred other subjects that I know will cause strife.

This morning, my pride won. And I feel this gap between my heart and Tom's heart. But I know how to heal it...my pride is just begging me to hold onto my anger and hurt feelings.

I will make things right. Even if it is through gritted teeth.

Hannah:1 Pride:0

"serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people"

(Title quote is Ephesians 6:7)

Hello! First off, I have 993 page views! Woo, almost one thousand!

Secondly, I had the LOVELY opportunity to babysit my fabulous friend, Kayla's, children. They are so cute and they played so well with Adalia! We all had a blast! We played trains, read some books, watched Mickey Mouse, ate some pizza, and then zonked! Fun evening. I was very blessed to be able to serve them. And God blessed me back...because I locked myself out of my house and had no house key with me. But, rather than panic, I shot up a fervent prayer and checked the front door. Sure enough, it was locked. But I gave it a tough shove (it's warped from the heat this summer so tends not to close sometimes) and found that it hadn't latched quite all the way, so it OPENED! Woo! I had a sleeping baby in her carseat, and no other options to get into the house, so THANK YOU GOD!

Anywho, productive day today for me! I got tons of laundry done, some general cleanup, a brief nap, and I wrote up our offer on the farm!! I also got a shower in. I feel on top of things and quite optomistic today. *fingers crossed for no curve balls this week*

I think that I will do a vlog in a couple days here...chat it up with my awesome readers...who will, on that day, be listeners and not readers. Haha!

Oh, ALSO, happy to report, Tom's phone is all up in working order, so I got to hear his voice this evening...so soothing for me!

It's late, and I find it unwise to stay up too late after baby sleeps, so I am off. Good night, cyber-friends!

warning: i am going to complain

Tom's phone broke :(

And he works like ten thousand miles away from home.

And the phone company can't do anything till he is back in town.

Darn technology.

Just so all of you know how TRAGIC this is...Tom is the greatest husband in the world. If you have a husband, you may be disagreeing with me. But seriously, he is. He calls me every night that he is away to ask how my day was and to tell me that I'm awesome and that he appreciates how hard I work for our family. He tells me about his day and that he wishes I was with him (sometimes he says naked, but that allowed cause we're married- ha). We talk about our weekend plans and usually get a little bit bummed out about how short our weekend will seem.

SO. My point is...THIS SUCKS.

That is all.

Oh wait, this is a picture of him...in all his amazing-ness.

P.S. If you create a teleporting machine that can let Tom work far away but still be home between shifts...I will love you forever and somehow find a way to pay you millions of dollars for your smarts.