bad to the bone

You know that question that people pass around..."Why do bad things always happen to good people?"

Are you a good person?

Really?

Did you say yes?

I, honestly, said no. When did we mix this up? When did we start feeling so entitled? Since when do we deserve ANYTHING besides death for our sin?

Please understand that I am not forgetting salvation. Jesus died for us so that we can live forever in heaven if we accept the perfect gift of His love and sacrifice for us.

But we are SIN. We are sinful by nature, bad to the bone. We have a lot to look forward to after death if we are saved...but this life, this life never holds promises of ease or comfort. This is not our home and many of us suffer deeply and often for the time we are here.

It seems like the nicest people get cancer. It seems like the sweetest children are born with tumors and heart diseases. It seems like the most mature of my girlfriends have to go through brutal break-ups. It's always the people with great marriages that end up in fatal car accidents. The sweetest mom has the child with special needs. The most fantastic families whose homes burn to the ground.

But, don't be fooled. We are not so good that we are undeserving. We are filth. Outside of Christ we are sin so dark that God cannot stand us.

This may seem like a brutal reminder, but I was thinking on this today and wanted to share. We often need to be reminded of grace, salvation, mercy, peace, love and sweet praise-worthy promises. But today I thought that I would remind you of our hideousness in sin...but not to bring you down. No, I think we need to look at our horrible sinfulness to help us remember how much we need salvation, how much we need our Savior.

"i was over until you kissed my lips and you saved me"

(Title quote by Adele)

lake bled, slovenia

lake bled castle

in the rynek at poznan, poland

in the rynek at wroclaw, poland

cool abondoned building on lake bled in slovenia

There were days when I thought that a sweet song would save my mood.

There have been days when I believed with my whole heart that my husband was my rock.

There have been days when I thought my strength would be enough because I needed to be strong for my kids.

There have been days when I was certain that a Chai Breve Latte from Starbucks would force the stars into alignment in my favor.

There have been weeks that I thought I couldn't get through if not for the 'light at the end of the tunnel' with Tom coming home on the weekend.




All these little things, all these fixes, seem so innocent. But they turn so quickly into idols in my heart. I turn to things rather than my Savior to save me. I look for a sad song on a weepy day. I look for a chance to run to the store without the kids on a busy day. I look to my husband on a day that I am extra insecure.

I am so quick to turn to anything besides my King. When I should be bowing my head in prayer, I rest my head for a nap. When I should be raising my hands in praise, I am reaching for anything else to fix my attitude.

This is an enormous problem that I see in heart and in my life. I want to change it. I want to abide in Christ rather than relying on the world. My choices fail me each and every time. They are short term fixes that barely last a moment.

These choices also lead me away from Christ in crisis. When it is not my habit to seek out the Lord in each and every little passing moment and need, then it is certainly not my default setting during trials. I get overstressed, overly anxious, and quickly angered and overwhelmed. This issue needs immediate attention!

Do any of you struggle with this?

Are any of you SUPER excited that I finally got back to my blog???

(((CAUSE I AM)))

i don't think he's an optimist...

I think God is a realist.

When I think about God, I would like to think that He sits in a field, smiling at daisies, laughing a big belly laugh. But I think that if I really thought about who God is, it would be more of a realist...but a joyful realist.

I think He smiles and wishes that every situation would be rainbows and jellybeans, but He knows that it's necessary to weep and to war. He knows that there is a time for serious contemplation and tough action. He knows there is a time for justice and a time for discipline. Also, I am so sure that He laughs, smiles, sings, and dances.

I have a hard time feeling like 'optimism = joyfulness'. I think reality sucks. But the reality of that attitude is that it's a lie. There are starving, dying, sick, sinful, lost people everywhere. I need to be aware of that. I can't write that out of my optimistic world. I can't pretend that this isn't a fallen world, deeply in need of active warriors for Christ, out fighting the good fight.

Sometimes, the sadness of it all is weighty. SO weighty. It sits on my heart like a greasy cheeseburger. And I want to forget about it. I want to have ignorant bliss. But we are called to serve, we are called to action, we are called to help the hurt and lost and broken. The widows and orphans and helpless.

And we are also called to be joyful in the knowledge of God's unfailing faithfulness, His vast promises, His gracious gift of salvation and eternity. So, this realism, this new attitude...it has to be balanced with an abiding joy in the absolute perfection of the plan that Christ has for each of His lovely creations. He takes all the broken, mixed up garbage in the world and turns it around to glorify His worthy name!

What an amazing God we love!

the horrible, nasty, mean things that i think...

The view from Monkey Bear Falls

I'm back!!! Hello!


So, over the last few days I have been thinking on the fact that I have some pretty skewed views. I have some attitudes, habits, and opinions that are way more worldly than Godly...and I would like to explore these things in a little mini-series.

Today, I was thinking about how justified I feel in my harsh responses toward my husband and my kids. I make every kind of excuse as to why it should be alright for me to be quick to anger.

Some examples, you ask?? How about when it's "that time of the month" and I rudely push my husband away? How about when I am trying to listen to someone talk and Hunter makes an obnoxious noise and I angrily tell him to be quiet? How about when Adalia woke up from her seven second nap, when I really wanted a break, and I pull her out of her crib with a crappy attitude? How about when I have been up for two hours with the kids, and my husband wakes up still feeling "tired" and I sit there thinking to myself, "What a prick...HE is tired...he has NO CLUE what tired even is"?

I bet some of you readers are thinking...."You are a horrible person. I am never reading your blog again. I don't think those things; you have some major issues." Probably true. But stick with me. I am trying to be honest in hopes of sharing some of the beauty of God with you.

My ugliness comes from a sinful nature that is so deep in us that sometimes I think my bones are made of a desire to sin. That being said, I am a new creation, made COMPLETELY complete in the blood of Christ. And I strongly desire to be Christ-like in all that I do. Those thoughts, those attitudes, those actions, they are coming from a place in me that I fight. The world, satan, and our lazy sinfulness would tell me that I am completely justified in my frustration. But, I believe that God has something else to say about it.


2 Corinthians 5:14 For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15 And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. 16 So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here!


Rather than blaming my attitude on the circumstances around me, I want to take responsibility for my wrongs and try to change. I want to always respond in love, in gentleness, with kindness and understanding.

Do you ever blame your attitude on your circumstances? Is this an area that God is trying to work on your heart?

aren't we so quick to judge?

When we see someone prettier, thinner, more put together, a working mother, a family out with terribly misbehaved children.

Or even when we read someone's words.

We are so quick to judge. We think, "She must not eat well if she is thin" or "She must be ok with daycare since she works" or "She must not care about her baby as well as I care for mine if she uses formula" or "She must have a perfect life" or "She ..."

Why is our first instinct to judge rather than understand? Why do we assume the worst rather than the best? Why isn't love our default setting on how we treat others?

I am just as guilty, or more so, than anyone else. I desire so strongly to live as an example of understanding, of love, of sisterhood! I want to band together with other women, loving them, supporting them, sticking up for them, protecting their reputation. Its an epidemic, because too often, after we are hurt, we turn and do the same to others. We need to all work together to change this trend of betrayal and hatred and judgement toward one another.

Is this an area you struggle with as well? Will you work on this with me?

real life hannah banana

INSPIRATION FOR THIS POST

So, I would call this a 'faq' post, but no one is asking questions yet! Haha...so I will just call this a list of random facts about me and my life!

photo taken by mama near Holden Village, WA

I have been married to the love of my life for nine months today.
We have two lovely children.
Our oldest, Hunter, is my step son.
Our yougest, Adalia, is not biologically my husband's daughter.
Jesus loves me, despite my past...but more importantly, because of my past.
I am a bible-believing, non-denominational Jesus follower!
I play the cello and sing.
My favorite things to do: (besides spend time with my family) hike, sing, canoe, blog, camp, go to farmers markets, learn to cook, and take pictures!
I am twenty-two, almost twenty-three.
56 has always been my favorite number...for no reason that I am aware of.
Green is HANDS DOWN my favorite color!
I am technologically illiterate.
I have completed three semesters of school for Natural Resources.
I took a few years off of school to join the Air National Guard, and also ended up getting married and starting a family!
My husband and I would love to buy a farm, raise some animals, and live as sustainably as we can manage. (shoot me an email if you want to know more about this!)
My husband is starting a new job as a personal trainer with a Lvl 1 Crossfit Certification.
Phineas and Ferb is my favorite cartoon!
We are excited to expand our family, and I am starting some ovulation testing next week!
I blog. (hahahahaha)
I love great music...a few of my favorites are: Sara Bareilles, Adele, The Band Perry, Chris August, Goot, Eels, Eric Hutchinson, Colbie Callait, Jose Gonzalez, Peter Bradley Adams, Missy Higgins, Shawn Mcdonald, and Paolo Nutini.
My parents are my heros. See why here.

If you are curious about anything else, feel free to leave a comment or shoot me an email!