the kind of woman i wish to be...

Lately, I haven't been the person I want to be.

I have been petty, easily offended, quick to anger, quicker to complain, lazy, slow to serve, self-centered, and all around awful.

Proverbs 31:10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

A Proverbs 31 wife probably doesn't push an issue to prove that she is right. She probably doesn't skip reading her Bible...for like six months. She probably doesn't argue with her husband over silly issues. She probably doesn't spend her money irresponsibly. She probably doesn't complain about her post-baby body. She probably doesn't waste an hour on facebook when she has tasks that need completing.

She probably doesn't....but I totally do.

I can blame it on the fact that I'm tired, or didn't get coffee, or feel sick, or am really stressed, or because its hot outside, or cold outside, or because Adalia is being tough, or because whatever.

The fact of the matter is that the only thing to blame is my enormous lack of character. I need to get on my knees and pray. I need to seek the Lord and ask for strength, wisdom, grace and perseverance. I need to get into the Word. I need to be humble and learn to let things go.

I don't have any solutions or uplifting words, but I felt like sharing.

Hope you are all having an awesome Tuesday!