my attitude was stinking more than adalia's poopy diaper...

Good morning! This is my new perm...after two days of sleeping on it, getting spit up on, and chasing our energetic three year old around the house! I promise to post better pictures of it after I have some time to shower!


Topic of my heart today: have you ever tried to change your attitude without changing your circumstance?

This morning as I was playing with our two kids, I got the bad mood bug. And for like thirty minutes I just kept thinking, "Once Tom gets home, I can give him the kids, take a hot shower, and work on changing my mood." One problem with this idea is that if I wouldn't have changed my mood before Tom got home, I probably would have been rude, needy, pushy, quick to anger...towards Tom, my unsuspecting and sweet husband. My bad attitude would have had the potential to ruin his day. The second major flaw in that plan is that I would have learned nothing. I would have let my laziness of character win this battle. I wouldn't have to pray through it. AND rather than giving glory to God when I finally worked up a mood change...I would have thanked my husband and my shower. God deserves praise and it is so easy to steal that praise away from Him and give it to 'idols' and others.

So, that is another lesson learned.

A question for my readers...and a sneak peek at my topic for tomorrow: how many of you (mothers and wives especially) have felt that restlessness in your heart to do something...anything besides your mothering and wifely job? To clarify, how many of you just get burned out and think that you just want to be a rocket scientist today or a doctor or a barista or an adventurer, rather than doing what God has called you to do? Maybe a discontentment...  Anyway, HIT ME UP! Let me know what you think...what have you gone through in this regard...and any wisdom you could pass on about the subject!

a dangerous thing to skip...

These prayers correspond with the day of the month, so you have a different topic every day for each month! Prayer is the one of the only ways, as a parent, that we can truly protect our children and their character!

Click here for a pretty print out of these prayers!

31 Days of Prayer for Your Child

1. Salvation “Lord, let salvation spring up within my children, that they may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory” (Isaiah 45:8, 2 Timothy 2:10).

2. Growth in Grace “I pray that they may ‘grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ’” (2 Peter 3:18).

3. Love “Grant, Lord, that my children may learn to ‘live a life of love,’ through the Spirit who dwells in them” (Ephesians 5:2, Galatians 5:22).

4. Honesty and Integrity "May integrity and honesty be their virtue and their protection” (Psalm 25:21, NLT).

5. Self-control "Father, help my children not to be like many others around them, but let them be ‘alert and self-controlled’ in all they do” (1 Thessalonians 5:6)

6. A Love for God’s Word "May my children grow to find your Word ‘more precious than gold, than much pure gold; [and] sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb’” (Psalm 19:10).

7. Justice "God, help my children to love justice as you do and to ‘act justly’ in all they do” (Psalm 11:7, Micah 6:8).

8. Mercy ”May my children always ‘be merciful, as [their] Father is merciful’” (Luke 6:36).

9. Respect (for self, others, authority) "Father, grant that my children may ’show proper respect to everyone,’ as your Word commands” (1 Peter 2:17a).

10. Strong, Biblical Self-Esteem ”Help my children develop a strong self-esteem that is rooted in the realization that they are ‘God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus’” (Ephesians 2:10).

11. Faithfulness “‘Let love and faithfulness never leave [my children],’ but bind these twin virtues around their necks and write them on the tablet of their hearts” (Proverbs 3:3).

12. Courage “May my children always ‘Be strong and courageous’ in their character and in their actions” (Deuteronomy 31:6).

13. Purity “‘Create in [them] a pure heart, O God,’ and let their purity of heart be shown in their actions” (Psalm 51:10).

14. Kindness “Lord, may my children ‘always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else’” (1 Thessalonians 5:15).

15. Generosity “Grant that my children may ‘be generous and willing to share [and so] lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age’” (1 Timothy 6:18-19).

16. Peace, Peaceability “Father, let my children ‘make every effort to do what leads to peace’” (Romans 14:19).

17. Joy ”May my children be filled ‘with the joy given by the Holy Spirit’” (1 Thessalonians 1:6).

18. Perseverance ”Lord, teach my children perseverance in all they do, and help them especially to ‘run with perseverance the race marked out for [them]‘” (Hebrews 12:1).

19. Humility ”God, please cultivate in my children the ability to ’show true humility toward all’” (Titus 3:2).

20. Compassion ”Lord, please clothe my children with the virtue of compassion” (Colossians 3:12).

21. Responsibility ”Grant that my children may learn responsibility, ‘for each one should carry his own load’” (Galatians 6:5).

22. Contentment ”Father, teach my children ‘the secret of being content in any and every situation. . . . through him who gives [them] strength’” (Philippians 4:12-13).

23. Faith "I pray that faith will find root and grow in my children’s hearts, that by faith they may gain what has been promised to them” (Luke 17:5-6, Hebrews 11:1-40).

24. A Servants Heart "God, please help my children develop servant hearts, that they may serve wholeheartedly, ‘as to the Lord, and not to men’” (Ephesians 6:7, KJV).

25. Hope "May the God of hope grant that my children may overflow with hope and hopefulness by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13).

26. The Willingness and Ability to Work Hard ”Teach my children, Lord, to value work and to work hard at everything they do, ‘as working for the Lord, not for men’” (Colossians 3:23).

27. A Passion for God ”Lord, please instill in my children a soul that “followeth hard after thee,” a heart that clings passionately to you (Psalm 63:8, KJV).

28. Self-discipline ”Father, I pray that my children may develop self-discipline, that they may acquire ‘a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right and just and fair’” (Proverbs 1:3).

29. Prayerfulness "Grant, Lord, that my children’s lives may be marked by prayerfulness, that they may learn to ‘pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests” (Ephesians 6:18).


30. Gratitude ”Help my children to live lives that are always ‘overflowing with thankfulness,’ ‘always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ’” (Colossians 2:7, Ephesians 5:20).

31. A Heart for Missions "Lord, please help my children to develop a heart for missions, a desire to see your glory declared among the nations, your marvelous deeds among all peoples” (Psalm 96:3).

mmm, mixed drink recipe

So, we are visiting my in-laws right now...and they had White Cake UV Vodka.

(makes approximately a 2 cup serving)
2 shots
fill cup with Concord Grape Raspberry V8 Splash

Then, IMPORTANT STEP, remind yourself, even  though it is delicious, that it does contain alcohol and should be consumed in moderation!

Tomorrow, I am going to post a monthly prayer schedule for praying for kiddos (one topic plus one verse per day) that my mother used for us!

Sayonara sweethearts!   (p.s. ...believe it or not, that is correct spelling!)

ugliness.

Darn hurt feelings.

Today, I got my feelings hurt and took it way too far.

Tom said something to me that I took offense to. And I should have checked his character against my feelings; I should have KNOWN that my Tom would never try to say something to hurt me. I should have taken what I know about him, and held it up next to how I was feeling and said "Hey, this doesn't match up. I must be overreacting."

Instead, I got super defensive. Then I took all that nasty hurt and threw it back at him, feeling like I deserved a HUGE apology.

And he apologized. And was defeated.

And as I watched him explain and apologize, my heart broke. It softened. God said, "Look at what your pride and entitlement got you. Now YOU are in the wrong. Now you have to apologize. And that means you have to let go the thought that you deserve to be babied and pitied."

I was so thankful for my forgiving husband, but also for God meeting me there right in that moment and opening my eyes and my heart to the reality of the situation. I was wrong, DEAD wrong.

Isn't pride so hideous?

i haven't had enough coffee to think of a clever title for this post...

Have you ever wanted God to break your heart for something?


I have been so touched by the dedication of some sweet sisters in Christ, and the call they have for their lives. Nastassia, and her husband Sam, are going to Thailand (you can read about them here). Shannan and her family are moving out of the serenity of their farmhouse and into a neighborhood that needs Christ (you can read about them here). My mom and dad are selling their beautiful home to buy a ranch where they can rescue horses and rescue kids to work on healing one another (you can read about them here).

And through all of this, what am I doing? I am complaining that I am not in great shape, and that we haven't bought a perfect home, and that my daughter is teething.

And I am desperate for God to change my heart.

I think I am.

If I was truly and selflessly seeking the Lord's calling for my life, would I really feel like He was holding back something? Wouldn't I be filled with a passion and a peace and a calling? Wouldn't I be donating to missions rather than budgeting for Starbucks? Wouldn't I be on the fast track for packing up our kids to move to India?

Or what if I am called to something seemingly 'mundane'? Will I joyfully praise the Lord in that calling? Will I glorify God with every load of dishes and every folded piece of laundry and every time-out that I have to give our energetic son?

I know that God loves the family unit and if I have a heart for something then Tom will too and that our dream and passion will be what is also best for our children.

I guess today I have more questions than answers, more whiney complaining than wise maturity.

I guess this is me hopeful that God will grow me up good, and get me out of this LAME attitude of mine. I guess this is me putting all the responsibility for my LAMENESS on God and blaming Him. Hmm, I guess this is me realizing that I have a lot more growing up to do than I ever even thought when I started writing this.

Goodnight.

(the statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. -psalm 19:7)

life has been throwing lemons...and it's a shame that i don't care for lemonade...

Taking a break from my "inspire" part II blog.

I got a perm today. I will post picutes later.

"Love will not betray, dismay, or enslave you...it will set you free" - Mumford&Sons

It is hard to choose to love sometimes, but we are promised (in this song, and MORE importantly in the Bible) that love is the decision that will free us, and God is faithful to fulfill that promise.

God is softening my heart right now towards the things He loves and I will share more about it later, but for now...just trust me when I say it is much easier to keep your heart soft than it is to turn a hard heart soft. It is also tricky to turn a selfish heart away from yourself and get it caring about others.

inspire...

There are inspiring people in each of our lives.

My parents, they inspire me to be a great family woman...wife and mother, sister and daughter.

My niece, Madelyn, inspires me to sing and be creative, especially when people are watching and I will look silly!

My brother, Jonathan, inspires me to wear plaid and listen to great music!

My brother, Christian, inspires me to question things that I hear, look into things on the media, and believe strongly in things that are important.

My sister, Corisa (the bride),  inspires me with her ability to put the past behind her and live a beautiful life with her family! (Putting the past behind me is something I struggle with.)

Tomorrow I will post a few more of the most inspiring people in my life.

dear broken hearts,

Dear Broken Hearts,

I am writing to you because I owe you an apology. For a time, you entrusted me with your love, with your friendship, with your secrets; and I failed you.

My selfish pride took over. I ruined the fragile bonds of trust that we had built. And I hope you can forgive me.

I lied to you. I used you. I intentionally hurt you. I abondoned you. I sinned againt you. I broke promises I had made to you. I let you down. I twisted your words. I talked behind your back. I disappointed both you and I.

I didn't stick up for you. I didn't stay by your side. I didn't hold your hand. I didn't protect your reputation. I didn't let you be yourself. I didn't allow you to get into my heart. I didn't tell you why I left. I didn't tell you where I was. I didn't say anything.

I am truly and fiercely sorry. I hope desperately that you can forgive me. I hate living with the knowledge that I have hurt so many, so badly. But, I know that love covers a multitude of sins, and so I am sending my love. I will just wait and pray that my love finds you with a smile on your face, and forgiveness in your heart.

With all my love and sincerity,
Hannah

[A] final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works. ~T.E. Kalem

for better or for worse, but hopefully the former...

So, as many of you readers know, Tom and I were married January 10, 2011 in the Moorhead Courthouse. It was a lovely day, spent with the man that God has grown just for me.

Since the moment Tom proposed...well, let's be real...since I was five years old, I had in mind what I wanted for a wedding. Tom and I still plan to have a white dress, black tux, honeymooning shindig...we just have to figure out when it would be a good time. Right now, it is not a priority. Financially or time-wise.

BUT, when the day comes that we can have another big day...I AM READY! And I will leave you all with a nice little list of links to check out!

This will be my dress...
This lady will, hopefully, take some photos...
And this is where I would like to honeymoon...
But this would be ok too...
And just in case the first two places dont't work out...
We may have to spend one extra night out, just so we can stop in at this place...

sometimes you just have to drop it...

Arguements are brutal. They make me want to hide away somewhere. And my pride steps in and picks my words for me, and usually sets the tone for my attitude.

And sometimes, I KNOW I'm right. I feel strongly about proving a point. I think that it is what is best for our family.

And still...sometimes, I have to drop it.

I have to set aside my arguement, my side of the story. I have to not only drop that subject, but avoid bringing up a hundred other subjects that I know will cause strife.

This morning, my pride won. And I feel this gap between my heart and Tom's heart. But I know how to heal it...my pride is just begging me to hold onto my anger and hurt feelings.

I will make things right. Even if it is through gritted teeth.

Hannah:1 Pride:0

hot cocoa and my favorite book

Calm, quiet house.

My hubby and babies are napping.
I took a hot shower and now am here with my thoughts.

This morning, while the kids were playing and Tom was showering, I opened up my Bible and was pleased to read a verse that I never before had read so clearly.

"Romans 5:1-2 - Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith,

we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us.

Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place

of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and

joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory."

What great promises. Our faith has brought us to a place of peace where we can be confident and joyful. To me, this verse is both a promise and a command. I desperately want to follow the commands of my King. The Lord has been pressing on my heart...just simply, to have a heart for Him.

So, thanks God, for reminding me. You are number one. My heart is Yours, and for You.

And, 'tis the season:

HOT COCOA

(all measurements based on the size of your mug)

3/4 mug of milk

1/4 mug of 'La Creme' Original Creamer

3 Hershey's Kisses

Hot cocoa powder (add to taste)

Heat in pan on medium heat, stirring often, till pipin' hot, pour into mug, top with whipped cream or marshmellows, add some peppermint Schapp's or Bailey's if you wanna really warm up, and enjoy!

"don't postpone joy until you have learned all your lessons. joy is your lesson."

(Title quote by Alan Cohen)

Psalm 19:8-The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.

Psalm 21:6-Surely you have granted him unending blessings and made him glad with the joy of your presence.

I am so far away from understanding the Lord. But today as I am trying to find joy and stop complaining, I find that I have joy, or I should, I am just refusing to recognize it.

What I am missing out on is spelled out in scripture. Joy, according to these verses, is in the commands and presence of the Lord. Not in a chai tea latte, or a new sweater, or my husband, or my children, or a rainy afternoon, or a hot shower. I am seeking happiness and I am seeking to fill my life with things and people that take my mind off of pain and challenges. But, as I turn more and more toward those things, I am noticing a shifting away from the Lord. A shift away from the joy of just sitting with my Savior, the joy of prayer, the joy of following the Lord, the joy of living His commands.

The challenges I am facing are, most often, consequences of my own disobedience and pride. Rather than "crying over spilled milk" and other such petty things, I want my heart to be broken for the things that are on my Father's heart. I want my heart to be broken over single mothers, abuse, starvation, poverty, excessive wealth, sin, greed, abortions, people who are in need, orphans and widows.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

"we could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world"

(Title quote by Hellen Keller)

I won't complain. I will just say that I hope that God hears my prayers in which I ask to quickly learn whatever it is He is trying to teach me.


One thing that I know that God is trying to teach me is patience. And reliance. And to pray. And to let God be my rest. And to let God be God. And that I am not in control. And that I have only got to the tip of the iceberg on starting to understand who God is and why He is that way. And a hundred other things.

Do you ever feel like telling God, "Hey God, I am a bit worn thin. Let's pick one thing and work on that for a while. I know I have a lot to work on. I am just going to be a long, tedious project."

That is totally my prayer today!

But, despite all, God is good. I can be thankful. I can have joy. And I can share about that.

So, tomorrow. A whole post on JOY and THANKSGIVING!

And thanks to THIS LADY for the idea of a nice cup of hot cocoa!

home, SWEET home...

So, I decided to head to Moorhead today. My parents had some smelly painting and dusty projects to do, and I was excited about having our own space for a while.

Adalia took a great nap in the car, then a great nap at three. Asleep for the night at eight and I really hope she sleeps till like seven in the morning!

This is going to be like a world record for short blogs, cause I wanna utilize every wink of sleep I can.

Hope you are all getting a good nights sleep!

my list...

INSPIRATION

These are twenty-five things that I would like to do before I am the same:

1. Buy a wedding dress.
2. Renew vows with my forever man.
3. Get pictures taken of the event listed above.
4. Get pregnant again.
5. Start baking bread.
6. Find and purchase a farmstead.
7. Learn to be a better financial planner.
8. Make Senior Airman in the Air National Guard.
9. Start praying for my children every morning.
10. Try every day to be a better servant to the King, wife to my husband, and mother to my children.
11. Maintain straight A's in all my college classes.
12. Get our family on the road to being debt-free.
13. Vote.
14. Start raising chickens, goats, and maybe a cow or two.
15. Take some family camping trips, maybe in some state/national parks.
16. Memorize Bible verses as a family.
17. Continue in the Parelli horse program with Taz.
18. Blog. Duh.
19. Share my faith more readily and often.
20. Read more books on my reading list.
21. Write and record some music.
22. Get back in shape. Via Crossfit.
23. Start singing on our worship team at church.
24. Get better at sewing and knitting.
25. Start gardening, growing our own fruits and veggies.

when did you realize...?

My heart is finding itself somewhere between confused, broken, and learning.

When did you all realize that you were completely without control? I am trying to so hard to give up that heart of control, but I am so scared. What happens when I allow things that are going to happen anyway without fighting for my way?

Any thoughts, anyone?? Please? Send some insight, encouragement, or Bible verses.

"and even when it breaks, my heart will beat for you"

(Title quote by Elenowen from song "Honey Come Home")

My heart is dead tired. This month has, thus far, been horribly sad and stressful.

Life sure has its choices

You left those choices to me

And I'm glad

But sometimes I feel caught

It's hard to know which bridge to cross

And which bridge I should be burning

I long to learn

But I'm so slow at being taught

-Russ Taff, "Farther On"

Just to clue you all in, we have moved into my parents house as we transition from Moorhead to Grand Forks. Adalia hasn't been handling the transition with much grace...or sleep. In just the past few weeks we have had an unceasing downpour of challenges.

• Our horses were badly beat up by two aggresive horses that were moved into their herd. So, we moved them to a new location and they are safely healing.
• My parents are facing a tough change as well, a change that will be for the best, but some tough feelings are still rising up in my heart over the issue.
• 'Jeej' has made some awful choices lately, and now is facing some serious consequences.

My heart is heavy with all of this. It feels like the world is falling apart, but hasn't slowed.

I know, in the midst of all of this, that God has a plan. And the Bible tells me that His plan is for my good. Therefore, my heart still beats for Him. I just so desire for this time to pass and all the lessons to be learned.

I don't have much else to say, because I just feel like complaining and feeling sorry for myself. So, rather than doing that, I will just sign off and go eat some breakfast.

Adios, compadres.