i haven't had enough coffee to think of a clever title for this post...

Have you ever wanted God to break your heart for something?


I have been so touched by the dedication of some sweet sisters in Christ, and the call they have for their lives. Nastassia, and her husband Sam, are going to Thailand (you can read about them here). Shannan and her family are moving out of the serenity of their farmhouse and into a neighborhood that needs Christ (you can read about them here). My mom and dad are selling their beautiful home to buy a ranch where they can rescue horses and rescue kids to work on healing one another (you can read about them here).

And through all of this, what am I doing? I am complaining that I am not in great shape, and that we haven't bought a perfect home, and that my daughter is teething.

And I am desperate for God to change my heart.

I think I am.

If I was truly and selflessly seeking the Lord's calling for my life, would I really feel like He was holding back something? Wouldn't I be filled with a passion and a peace and a calling? Wouldn't I be donating to missions rather than budgeting for Starbucks? Wouldn't I be on the fast track for packing up our kids to move to India?

Or what if I am called to something seemingly 'mundane'? Will I joyfully praise the Lord in that calling? Will I glorify God with every load of dishes and every folded piece of laundry and every time-out that I have to give our energetic son?

I know that God loves the family unit and if I have a heart for something then Tom will too and that our dream and passion will be what is also best for our children.

I guess today I have more questions than answers, more whiney complaining than wise maturity.

I guess this is me hopeful that God will grow me up good, and get me out of this LAME attitude of mine. I guess this is me putting all the responsibility for my LAMENESS on God and blaming Him. Hmm, I guess this is me realizing that I have a lot more growing up to do than I ever even thought when I started writing this.

Goodnight.

(the statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. -psalm 19:7)